smalllstufff (smalllstufff) wrote in stopbingeating,
smalllstufff
smalllstufff
stopbingeating

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Another newbie

Hello ladies [[and gentlemen, if there are any]]! I just joined live journal and this community to find support for my binge eating.

I'm 21 years old, 5'7" and right now I weigh somewhere between 135-140 pounds [[don't have a scale in my house - I'm scared to get one because it would mean actually seeing this number between my feet]]. I am extremely uncomfortable at my weight and constantly self-conscious about the way I look.

I've been binge eating since somewhere in high school. I don't know what point it actually started, but for as long as I remember I have always had a strong desire to have a beautiful, perfect body... which sounds so superficial and typical, I know, but there's no other way to put it. I'm sure many can relate. But adverse to my desires, I constantly needed to have sweets all the time. It became a habit without me even realizing it. Fast forward 5 or 6 years til now... when I realized that I eat things like chocolate, cookie dough, frosting, cake, and the like every single time I felt even the slightest pang of uneasy emotion - basically every single day. I always felt guilty and disgusting after I did it, but that never stopped me from doing the same thing again the next day. I'm lucky that I am still in what's considered the "normal" weight range and BMI - but I AM unhealthy, and I want to eat healthier, lose weight and be happy with my body. My ultimate goal weight is somewhere around 120 pounds.

Today I am very proud of myself - I have not had any sugary foods today whatsoever. I'm hoping to do the same thing again tomorrow. My plan of attack is to try and wien myself off the sugar first BEFORE I try going on a weight loss diet. I think if I tried to do both at the same time right away, it would be too extreme and I would go back to my old ways too easily. I hope to find inspiration, guidance and support here - and hopefully make a new friend who can relate.

Thank you all!
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